I sat in my seat trying to remain cool, my face engraved with irritation. The last few minutes of class were passing by as if time had slowed down. It felt as if I was confined to a chair and forced to watch grass grow. My insides felt like they were engulfed in flames and my thoughts fueled the fire. Instead of focusing on the teacher presenting his boring lecture on the basics of welding, I was too busy diverting my thoughts in another direction, the “exchange of blows” direction! It wasn’t hard to persuade me to go in that direction, just push of a few buttons and “presto!” Occupying my time with details and a plan I had devised, the bell finally rang. I scrambled with my books and notes with one hand as my other hand reached out for my blue book bag. I rushed towards the door fumbling to put everything away, but I was completely baffled.
I forced my way through the many students that overflowed the halls. I scanned the halls while looking for someone in particular. He was slightly taller than I was but had a slender frame. He wore reading glasses that had a wire frame, the same wire frame that matched the braces on his warped teeth. I scavenged the halls looking for him, I was determined to find him before the next bell rang. It wouldn’t be hard to point him out; he always wore a neon-orange Nautica track jacket that carried a distinct odor of musty armpits and cheap deodorant. Having walked down the long flooded halls of the second floor with no luck, I had no choice but to search the first floor. I finally spotted him at his locker on the first floor. As I cautiously approached, my heart started beating faster with each step. I got a feeling in my stomach which felt like the worst case of the butterflies. I couldn’t tell if the feeling was nervousness or the hideous stench coming from his jacket as I was getting closer to him.
I finally was face to face with him. I could see as well as smell the warm blue Now-&-Later that lingered on his breath. I quickly dropped my blue book bag while at the same time my fists were balled tightly together. My eyes locked on with his. I could sense he knew what was about to happen, because as I glimpsed down I noticed his fists were balled also.
“Wassup man,” I said in a stern voice.
“What up, what you want?” he said.
My chest started to tighten as I could hear my own heart beating rapidly. The loud fluttering in my ear, made it hard to concentrate on what he was saying.
“I heard you been runnin’ off at the mouth about me?” I said.
“Yea I did, what you gone do about it?” he said unpleasantly.
While we were going back and forth, I was thinking in my head the right moment to strike. So without anymore hesitation I took a swing at him, and it was successful. He tumbled back into the lockers as I continuously swung on him. Blow after blow, I could feel my knuckles connecting with him. The punches I threw made contact with his head, his teeth, eye sockets, and of course the lockers. Pain started piercing through my fists, but I knew I couldn’t stop. I had something to prove to him. I had something to prove to myself as well as everyone else who was watching or was going to hear about this. His cries for help were muffled while the banging of my fist into his head stunned him as each one connected. Suddenly from the distance, I hear the repeating blows from a whistle.
“Hey, hey, hey, stop that. Y’all gotta cut that out!” said an authoritative voice.
I knew the whistling represented one of the few security guards that patrolled the middle school halls. The security guards paced around the halls in their relaxed-fitting black uniforms and matching black combat boots, harassing the students by enforcing school policy. The school simply consisted of two identical floors; one stretched main hallway and four smaller halls parallel to the main hallway. They all carried whistles and 2-way radios, in which they used to stay in communication with each other.
I immediately stopped swinging on the boy who lay limp on the ground like a prey playing possum to a predator. Grasping to catch my breath, I slowly backed away from him. I was firmly seized by my collar and escorted promptly to the main office. I was familiar with the security guard that grabbed me. Instead of rope to hold onto his whistle, he wore a gold chain. He had all the accessories to match, gold ring, gold bracelet, and even a gold tooth. We called him “Officer Otis” from the hit television showMartin! Throughout the brief walk with Officer Otis my mind was rapidly thinking, thinking of what I was going to say to get myself out of this one! I needed to get my story straight on why I was fighting, yet again. The main office was used to seeing my face because I constantly caused disruption. I was one of the kids who had maintained the reputation for fighting. But I think my impressive grade point average was the only thing that saved me from total expulsion.
A week had past and Christmas vacation was only a week away. My Christmas had been threatened and was hanging on by a single thread. Getting recently suspended lost me the luxury of getting a ride to school; I had to catch the bus for the remaining week. Walking towards the school, my face being lashed by the excessive coldness of the wind, I couldn’t wait to get inside and feel the warmth. My hands buried deep in my pockets in attempts to stay warm. I was talking to myself, convincing myself to not get into any trouble. If I got into anymore trouble, Santa Clause wasn’t coming to visit me this year. I had a lot riding on Christmas this year, this was the year all of my dreams were going to come true. I finally reached the front of the building and paused for a moment at the black double doors that separated me from “school policy.”
“You got this, don’t mess it up!” I told myself.
I pulled my hands out of my pocket and grabbed one of the doors. I walked into the building with a new attitude, feeling like a new person! I couldn’t let anyone get to me; I had to be in control! I was walking through halls with my head up high and my pride in my back pocket. I needed to leave it accessible just in case in the event of an emergency. True, I couldn’t get into any trouble, but I couldn’t have anyone disrespecting me either. I walked past the lockers where the fight had just happened a week ago. The memories still remained fresh in my head, replaying like a movie at the drive-in theatre. I was also being reminded of the fight by the many students who swarmed around me like I was a celebrity and they were paparazzi. Answering question after question, commenting on every comment, I wanted to make myself look superior. Just because I couldn’t get into any trouble, no one else needed to know that.
The hours and the classes flew by and I was now in my last class of the day. I remembered bragging and boasting throughout the entire day about the fight. It stayed on their lips just like a mouthful of word vomit; they couldn’t stop talking about it. I guess me running off at the mouth, got me more than what I had asked for. I was completely unaware of what was going to happen next. Feeling like the champ, my guards were down and my thoughts were in a totally different direction. The bell finally rang and all the students poured into the halls, rushing to their lockers to get their belongings and leave. I was standing at my locker getting my coat, back against the main hallway, and completely unaware of my surroundings.
“Aye yo’ Max, I hear you still runnin’ off at the mouth?” a familiar voice said.
As soon as I turned around to match the face with the voice, it was too late! My vision had been impaired because I just took a fist in the eye. Quickly scrambling to get myself together, I immediately fought back. Throughout the entire fight, the thought of me losing Christmas exploded in my head. I became instantly enraged. But it was too late. Before I had the chance to take out my frustration, the fight was over. Being held back by security guards, what have I done? On the well-known walk down to the main office, Officer Otis spoke of some very important words to me.
“You’ll never be able to stop people from saying what they want to say. Just make sure you stop yourself from adding fuel to their fire.” he said. “They’re going to say whatever they want to say and you can’t stop everyone!”
Those words followed me from that day and each one thereafter. The words had hit a spot I never knew existed within me. Who knew that the simple words spoken to me from a security guard in middle school would follow me all the way into adulthood! Anytime I felt the urge to want to “check” someone about them speaking negatively of me, the infamous words were right there coaching me through it! “Its not worth it, it’ll never be worth it.”
